Why are there so many...thoughts running through my head? ...tasks that I feel compelled to work on? ...grand ideas and visions that I just know (for about 2 days) will work out perfectly, and then never come to fruition? I know I am not alone in any of these feelings/sentences/issues. Since my diagnosis, I've had a good bit of time to read and research about the actual symptoms some people experience with ADD/ADHD, and it really just explains so much. It is almost calming, although I rarely feel "calm". Sometimes, it's like I am reading an article someone wrote about me, and I wouldn't have even realized it before now.
I think I am nearing the end of the mourning stage, and now I am just ready to learn some effective ways to change. Being the beginning of a new year, it seems like the perfect time to get started, although, like most people, my resolutions don't ever really stick. This year, I only resolved to do a few simple things: 1) Listen to more music, more often. Music is in me--in my soul, it motivates me, it cheers me up; I played music for over 7 years, and for some reason, I've just gotten away from making it a part of daily life. So that should be an easy and fun change to make. And so far, I've remembered it about every 2 days. Not bad I'd say!
2) Spend more time with my son, undistracted. Put my phone down, turn off any televisions or games that might be on, and play with him, make eye contact with him, listen to him and have real conversations as much as we can. Dude, if you don't have a preschooler to hang out with, you should try it sometime. A 4 year old can crack you up if you really listen! I had a huge imagination as a child (surprised all you fellow Daydreamers?) and so I've always tried to keep brain-building items in mind when I buy toys and games for him. Oh, I'm not being all high and mighty about it...he definitely gets more screen time that a lot of other kids his age, or at least a lot more the the experts seem to recommend. My husband and I both LOVE television, we LOVE movies, and my husband is a Gamer, so little man gets to enjoy lots of those things. But, we do try to purposefully turn those things off every day, even when the whining and bargaining get louder, and remind him how fun it is to play with blocks, and to play CandyLand, and even just stacking up Solo cups! (He loves to build with anything, which I enjoy too, watching his little thoughts in action.) So, this year, I want him to know how much I really do want to be around him, and that I know that he is a little person who wants and needs to be heard. His daycare/preschool is just amazing, and as fast as he is learning things nowadays, I've realized that he won't be my little boy for much longer. (sniff, sniff)
3) I am attempting to find out what things and ideas really make me happy and surround myself with them. I know that number 1 falls into this category as well, but music is so big, I thought it needed its own category. So far, the first and biggest thing I have realized is that when my personal areas and belongings are organized, I am just automatically happier. I have always known, from years of experience, that clutter and disarray make me frustrated, angry, upset, and overwhelmed. But, that's how I've lived, as long as I can remember. (Hey, my parents started it!) Throw in the fact that I am a borderline germaphobe, and this mess really gets to me! It's not like my home is dirty, it's just feels full. Listen, we have room to eat and sleep and relax and take showers and all that, so it's not like my sister is about to call up Hoarders. I just don't, or haven't yet, been able to figure out why my kitchen countertops are never just cleared off, or why my side of the dresser in the bedroom always, always has stacks of papers and craft projects and pictures strewn about. I want so badly to be a minimalist! Looking at home magazines, and my favorite brain-overloader, Pinterest, I am so jealous and envious of these beautiful rooms, with the simple clean lines, the mod furniture, and no junk on the table. It's like looking at Heaven to me! So, I know this is going to be a challenge, but I will be trying to let go of items, lots of items, and then try to find some organizational ideas that will really work for me! I got an adorable little polka dot planner for 2016, (another thing I know that I love is POLKA DOTS! Oh yeah!) and while it's not yet glued to my side, I am trying to use it daily, to make each day more calm. I bought a little bathroom organizer thing to put some of my facial products in, and man...I could not believe how happy it made me! Instantly! I already bought 2 more, and I am in love! They are just simple little clear bins with separators, but OMG. Being able to place my face lotion back in the EXACT same place every morning is wonderful! Why? I don't know, but I won't ever go back to the pile of stuff in my bathroom that was reminiscent of a tornado's destruction!
I think it will only get better from here! I still have so much to do around here, and a plethora of routines to put in place ("Jefe, do you know what a plethora IS?" C'mon, who can name the movie? It's one of my favorites!). I think my next step will be looking into CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy. It's January, and new health insurance plans have arrived, so who knows if we can afford it, but it can't hurt to research, right?
I would love to hear suggestions of any ideas, books, items, etc. that worked for y'all! Let me know if you figured out some organizing, or mediation (that will take some time for sure), or whatever helped you get on the path to controlling your brain and your decisions and your life! I look forward to learning them too! And now for something we hope you'll really like! Just kidding, I'm going to bed. - I'll really like it! Sleep is my favorite pastime!
Later taters!
